【sex machine video】

Bright suns,sex machine video fellow travelers! Mashable is back on Earth after a quick recon trip to Black Spire Outpost at Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge. Though there were a few hiccups on our trip, like that time this reviewer got captured by the first order riding Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance, but all of our blaster wounds have healed and we're ready to talk about what's really important on the outer rim planet of Batuu: the food.

There's a lot to eat at the outpost, some of which are the best darn vittles on the galaxy, but others of which are better avoided (or at least left to non-human tastes). Here's the definitive guide to the snacks, meals, and bar scene at this happening galactic hotspot.

The Extremely Good

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Because of Black Spire Outpost's recently gained status as a crossroad between many different factions in the galaxy, the food found in its markets and snack stalls is wonderfully diverse and can suit almost any palate.

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Those whose planetary customs avoid eating meat should go for the Felucian Kefta and Hummus — a plant-based "meatball" and pita spread that's one of Batuu's best offerings. This reviewer hates cucumbers in every form except for the tomato-cucumber relish served with this Kefta. It's that good.

Also delicious are the Smoked Kaduu Pork Ribs at Docking Bay 7 Food and Cargo, which come with purple cabbage slaw and a corn muffin, and the Ronto Wraps at Ronto Roasters at the far end of the Black Spire Marketplace. The Kaduu Pork Ribs' meat falls off the bone and is pure comfort food for any hungry traveler.

As for the Ronto Wraps, there are a few varieties but they all boil down to one delicious pork sausage wrapped in puffy pita bread. The most popular is the standard Ronto Wrap, which comes with a spicy, crunchy slaw that could beat sauerkraut's butt in a bite-for-bite taste battle any day of the week.

Any concerns about the droid laborer grilling the Ronto meat over the repurposed podracer engine that serves as Ronto Roaster's grill are unfounded, by the way. This reviewer checked in with him and he's fine, just grumpy and in need of an oil change.

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The last must-try item in Black Spire Outpost is the Batuu-Bon, a local cake and mousse combination that looks like a tiny purple Death Star and is obscenely fun to eat. Thwack it with a spoon, cut it in half, or get real gross and see if you can cram the whole Bon in your mouth (don't, you'll choke). It's the Outpost's signature treat and it would be a shame to visit without trying one.

The Not As Good, Subjectively

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As with any intergalactic travel, your mileage may vary on some of the other meals offered below the spires of Batuu. The Endorian Garden Salad is allegedly good, but the idea of crossing all of hyperspace for lunch and settling on a salad is, quite frankly, depressing.

Similarly, the Surabat Shrimp Noodle Salad is cold and refreshing, but not dissimilar to many other noodle salads found on other, closer planets.

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That Batuuan Pot Roast is fine too. Unlike the Felucian Kefta spread, it did not convince this reviewer to happily eat something she ordinary dislikes (in the case of the pot roast, it's onions. Bleh, onions).

SEE ALSO: The Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge datapad app is the park's secret weapon for immersion

No Thank You, Kind Batuuans

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The good news is that most of the food on Batuu is delicious. It's all coded for human consumption, the presentation is impressive considering the planet's relatively remote location, and the portions don't weigh you down.

However, there are some items available at Black Spire Outpost that might not be as appealing to human visitors as it is to other residents of the galaxy. The Blue Milk sold from the milk stand, for example, tastes like potpourri and has a frosty, slimy consistency that takes a while to leave one's mouth.

There is also Green Milk available at the stand, but this reviewer decided not to take the risk on a second glass.

The only full meal this guide would advise visitors to completely avoid is the Endorian Fried Chicken Tip-Yip, which looks like popular Earth dish chicken and mashed potatoes with gravy but tastes as if it is not. Whatever they're feeding those Endorian chickens is not right, and if the New Republic hadn't exploded in the First Order's horrific attack against the Hosnian System, one would be well within their rights to report the Endorian Chicken Farming Guild to the relevant authorities.

A word on Oga's Cantina

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Run along now younglings, it's time for the adults to have a little chat.

If you're looking for a place to sip on something sophisticated in a quiet, loungelike atmosphere, hop on your ship and set your coordinates away from Batuu. If, however, you're looking for a party at Black Spire Outpost's hottest cantina, get on the list for Oga's.

This. Place. Has. Everything. A repurposed pilot droid dropping sick beats from the DJ booth, a cadre of fearless bartenders who aren't afraid to tell First Order officers to stuff it, and a menu of drinks that make your bottles of aged Yavin moonshine look like hyperdrive fluid.

While this reviewer did not get a change to try all of the mixed drinks on the menu (Mashable really ought to send a Wookie next time, they have much higher tolerances and surprisingly discerning palates), two standouts for taste and presentation are the Fuzzy Tauntaun and the Bespin Fizz.

Both are sweet, fruity cocktails, but the Tauntaun is peachy and comes topped with a generous amount of white foam. When the server brought the Tauntaun to our table, she warned us about the foam, claiming that it was known to have an unusual effect on human nervous systems. She was right.

The Fuzzy Tauntaun foam numbs whatever skin it comes in contact with, making it fun to drink through buzzy, tingling lips and exceptionally fun to boop on other people's noses.

As for the Bespin Fizz, it had the cranberry flavors of a wintry holiday drink combined with the chemical powers of a mad science lab, bubbling and smoking visibly down to its last few drops.

Before you enter Oga's though, definitely use your Aurebesh translator to take a look at the house rules outside the cantina. There are some pretty specific ones on there and it would be a shame if you got kicked out of the gangster's den because you didn't know monkey-lizards were banned and tearing people's arms off was frowned upon.

And make a reservation, for Force's sake! Oga's the last person in Black Spire Outpost you want to piss off.

Topics Star Wars