Summer time is Hairy | Adult Movies Onlinehere, and you know what that means: it's Sharknadoseason.
Yup, Syfy returns in August with another installment of this ridiculous series. And as has become tradition, this one has a title that'll make you groan.
Ready?
SEE ALSO: Tara Reid Is Selling Shark Perfume, Of CourseSyfy announced today that the fifth Sharknadomovie shall henceforth be known as Sharknado 5: Global Swarming.
And that's not all. This one has an eyeroll-worthy tagline to match: "Make America Bait Again!"
Which ... okay, sure, that's a pretty good effort. "Global Swarming" is a cute pun – we can only assume it's a reference to Pitbull's 2012 album Global Warming. And "make America bait again" is equal parts obnoxious and catchy, which is the entire franchise's M.O.
But as far as Sharknadotitles go, it's pretty weak. How do we know? Because we just spent the past few minutes putting together this definitive ranking of Sharknadotitles.
Behold, the title that started it all. "Sharknado" is movie title equivalent of, like, a KFC Double Down: it sounds so blisteringly awful that it comes all the way back around to being perversely intriguing. You know it's junk food you'll regret later, but you can't resist digging in anyway.
Plus, "Sharknado" is wonderfully descriptive – no confusing metaphors here. You know exactly what you're going to get from a movie called Sharknado. As the tagline goes, "Enough said!"
How do you top a title like Sharknado? Well, you can't, really. What you can do is lean into its obvious, glorious stupidity by slapping on a title like "The Second One." This one also came with a dumb tagline: "Shark happens!"
So what if Sharknado: The 4th Awakenshas zip to do with the film from which it borrowed its title? The 4th Awakensis a perfectly shameless, mercenary title for a perfectly shameless, mercenary franchise. The marketing for The 4th Awakensreally played up the Star Warsreference, even formatting its poster to resemble the Force Awakensone.
Add some points for the pun, subtract some points for the fact that said pun has nothing to do with the number five.
This is the sound of a bunch of marketing types shrugging their shoulders because, look, it's a summer Friday and there are planes to catch and happy hour drinks to be had and no one has any better ideas anyway so let's just go with it, okay?
Anyway, Sharknado 5: Global Swarmingairs Sunday, August 6 at 8/7c on Syfy. Ian Ziering and Tara Reid will return, and celebrity cameos will include Fabio, Tony Hawk, Clay Aiken, Olivia Newton-John, Bret Michaels, Margaret Cho, Charo, and Gilbert Gottfried.
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