Roald Dahl was born 100 years ago today,forced group sex videos and human beans everywhere are celebrating with scrumdiddlyumptious treats and splendiferous parties.
Even though Dahl passed away over 25 years ago, his stories and characters feel as relevant as ever. Dahl will never produce another book or send off a controversial tweet -- but we can imagine what his characters would look like if they were living, breathing people.
SEE ALSO: People sharing Roald Dahl quotes on Twitter will brighten your dayNearly everyone knows a Matilda in their class. We have all beamed over a Grandpa Joe and s**t-talked a Veruca Salt.
#WeAreAugustusGloop.
Here is a list of some our of favorite Roald Dahl characters, reimagined as actual human adults, living today.
Credit: youtube/scott j. ferrell for getty Bernie Sanders is everyone's (well, 43 percent of pledged Democratic delegates') favorite Grandpa. And Grandpa Joe couldn't be more like Sanders himself: generous, cantankerous, hunched, and in desperate need of a comb.
Credit: youtube/jim spellman for getty Both Miranda and Wonka are endlessly imaginative, disgustingly popular leaders of creative empires. Everyone calls them geniuses because they -- sigh-- actually are, and lines couldn't be longer for a ticket to their secret factory/matinee show.
They're big (really, really big) and way nicer than you. Sure, they may look like terrifying cannibalistic monsters from the outside, but all they want to do is help sad kids and sweet moms.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Small, orange men who built an empire, and who remain enormously culturally powerful -- for reasons no one can quite understand.
Credit: alex livesey for getty/amazon Okay, Simone Biles is Olympic gold medalist, and Matilda tortures grown adults with her mind. But they're both obscenely smart, fiercely independent young women with seemingly magical qualities. Everyone has fallen in love with them, because everyone should.
Tall, thin, and passionately dedicated to turning small boys into mice. They're priestesses of destruction, but also devilishly funny in ways that are sometimes painful to admit.
James escaped Aunt Sponge and Aunt Spiker, and moved to New York in a giant peach to end up in a really nice condo. Mohamed left a small town that thought he was a terrorist to attend a renowned school in Qatar, free of charge.
Powerful gluttons who once owned sizable empires (that supported a lot of turkeys).
Credit: getty Endlessly clever and shrewd, both Clinton and Mr. Fox get themselves out of every possible imaginable scrape -- sexy and unharmed.
Credit: getty Two women who came from nothing and rose to success; infinitely kind adult humans who really understand children, and who we both desperately want to become our moms.
Happy Birthday, Roald Dahl.
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