No disrespect to the Steph Curry signature sneaker that melted the internet last June,eroticism sex but Nike's Air Monarch IV has always been the most dad-ass dad shoe.
Now -- thanks to Seahawks coach Pete Carroll, who leads Seattle into the NFL Playoffs this weekend -- the Air Monarch just became even more dad. And the haters said it couldn't be done!
SEE ALSO: Record-setting 105-year-old French cyclist is your new inspirational sports heroBefore we plunge forth, let's briefly recap the Air Monarch's credentials as, well, the monarch of all dad shoes. It's a piece of (ostensibly) athletic footwear that is chunky, bland and not exactly cutting-edge. It's a shoe sized not just in traditional lengths but in widths as well. It's also a shoe that is by all accounts extremely comfortable.
Behold the dad-ness below.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable So legendary has the Air Monarch's dorkiness become, in fact, that Complexwrote two years ago that the model had become a "parody of itself." There's even an Instagram account that chronicles Air Monarch sightings in the wild. What the Air Jordan is to uber-hip sneaker-heads, the Air Monarch is to the Dockers-wearing over-50 set. (And don't think those fogies aren't buying them -- the Air Monarch is reportedly among Nike's best-selling shoes, fire emojis or no fire emojis.)
Carroll, Seattle's 65-year-old coach, is a notorious Air Monarch die-hard. He runs practices in them. He wears them off the field. He sports them on the sideline during games. When Seahawks players dumped Gatorade over Carroll's head to celebrate winning Super Bowl XLVIII? Yup, those were Air Monarchs on Carroll's feet soaking up the electrolytes.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable During the most recent off-season, Seahawks equipment managers tried to get Carroll to upgrade his footwear to something a little more suave. But he stayed loyal and kept the Monarchs.
On Friday, a day ahead of the Seahawks' opening game in the NFL Playoffs, Nike rewarded that loyalty.
In the process, the most dad-ass dad shoe of all dad shoes somehow became even more dad.
Here, via B/R Kicks, is a look at a Carroll-exclusive version of the Air Monarch that Nike produced for the Seattle head man. Emblazoned on the tongue is "ALWAYS COMPETE," one of Carroll's go-to coaching phrases.
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It's like some twisted geniuses at Nike sat down and had a conversation along these lines:
"Is there any possibleway we can make the most dad shoe of all time even dorkier?"
"I know! The Air Monarch ... but with ... wait for it ... a fatherly maxim on the tongue!"
And boom -- there's your Don Draper moment, folks.
Sadly, the Carroll-exclusive nature of these Air Monarch iterations means they'll likely never be available for purchase. But Nike could really be on to something here. "Always compete" isn't just a Carroll coaching favorite -- it sounds like something your dad would tell you with the utmost conviction on an emotional ride home from baseball practice.
Perhaps Nike could boost the Air Monarch's appeal in the dad market even further by making this a thing. Might we suggest companion versions of the shoe with the following sayings emblazoned on the tongue.
"I'm not mad, just disappointed."
"Money doesn't grow on trees."
"A little hard work never hurt anyone."
"Don't call me later, call me dad."
"Perhaps you should consider a major that's a bit more practical."
"Don't tell your mother."
"I can't wait to read Bruce Springsteen's new autobiography."
Well, maybe that last one is a little too long.
But come on, Nike. Just do it, as the saying goes. These are the Air Monarchs we -- or at least our dads -- deserve.
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