【A Male Friend Who Spins it Around】

For President Trump,A Male Friend Who Spins it Around every new day brings a new impeachable offense.

The list of seemingly impeachable crimes grows by the minute -- one second, he's leaking secrets to a foreign adversary, the next, he's openly admitting to obstruction of justice on national television. But contrary to what you may have heard from the lamestream media, Congressional Republicans aren't afraid of him.

They're more than willing to impeach the president, assuming he commits what they consider an impeachable offense.

SEE ALSO: Give Trumpcare a break: Here are all the pre-existing conditions it will cover

Below are a list of crimes that Congressional Republicans would consider impeachable offenses. Of course, they'd need a large number of votes to secure impeachment, including the House and two thirds of the Senate. If Trump commits one of these offenses, however, they'll courageously push forward -- their Oath is to the Constitution, not the President.

1. Destroys 90 percent of the civilized world

Via Giphy

Let's be honest: do we really need 100 percent of the Western world? Who's really going to miss Luxembourg?

If President Trump wants to destroy most of the civilized world, that's completely within his Constitutional right -- but once he starts going after their Caribbean all-inclusives, they will consider a strong talking-to.

2. Instead of shooting someone on Fifth Avenue, tries to give them health insurance

If President Trump wants to shoot someone on Fifth Avenue, that's absolutely within his jurisdiction as president. Were he to try and give them actual insurance, that would be considered extreme executive overreach and an impeachable offense.

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3. Says something nice about Hillary

Via Giphy

Hating Hillary Clinton is the GOP's only consistent policy position over the last 20 years. They're not going to allow Trump to go rogue on this one.

4. Uses the nuclear weapon arsenal to destroy the sun

The moon? No problem. Losing the sun, however, will affect the tan lines they've spent their whole career building. Impeach!

5. Jeopardizes their chance for re-election

WATCH: Jason Chaffetz being greeted with "Do Your Job!" chants at town hall. Per CNN, he left the town hall an hour early @jasoninthehouse pic.twitter.com/8uw7cbwjcW

— Yashar (@yashar) February 10, 2017

As president, Trump has the right to do whatever the hell he wants. If, however, the president in any way effects the party's chances for re-election, Congress retains the right to impeach him and replace him with someone way hotter.

6. Dies

The GOP will gladly take up articles of impeachment once Trump is already dead.

7. Commits to what he promised during the election

Via Giphy

If Trump actually tries to rebuild the manufacturing sector or protect Medicare and Social Security or try to give healthcare to everyone, that will be considered an impeachable offense.

8. Lets his approval rating drop below 30 percent

Low approval ratings are an impeachable offense, per an article written by Paul Ryan on Medium.

9. Goes to jail

If the President goes to jail, Congress will potentially consider articles of impeachment -- if and only if it prevents him from signing their executive orders.

10. Raises their taxes

Via Giphy

The founding fathers dreamed of a country free of estate taxes and rich with capital gains loopholes. If Trump does anything that affects their personal incomes, or the assets of lobbyists they care about, that is a sure sign that he has gone too far, and that he will be removed from office once and for all.

Maybe.

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