【MusEros Museum of Eroticism】

Okay,MusEros Museum of Eroticism we need to talk about Martian Manhunter.

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Having been completely obsessed with the early noughties Cartoon Network series Justice Leagueas a kid,I have a very important question about the new film. Why on Earth did they not invite J'onn J'onzz, a.k.a. Martian Manhunter to join the party?!

Now I know what you might be thinking. Who is Martian Manhunter? He's only the coolest, most underrated superhero ever! And I can prove it.

Even at first glance J'onn is just top-of-the-range superhero material.

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And that's before we even know about his superpowers...

1. Epic shapeshifting ability

The Martian has the ability to shapeshift, and actually shapeshifts most of the time to take on a more humanoid appearance so people will trust him more. That's right, he literally changes his form just so people will be more comfortable around him. What a top guy.

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Plus, when push comes to shove, he isn't afraid to turn into a huge alien snake-thing and take down some bad guys.

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2. He can go intangible

J'onn can make himself intangible, which is a pretty unique and a ridiculously useful superpower.

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That's right, those skellybones got nothin' on the Martian.

3. Awesome mind-reading powers

J'onn is able to communicate with people telepathically, and he uses this to achieve non-conflict resolutions with some of the League's most dangerous foes. Or, if that fails, he delves into their subconscious and damages them psychologically.

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Both are fine.

4. He wins the prize for saddest origin story

J'onn is the sole survivor from his home planet. He watched Mars burn along with all his family and friends. The tragedy of this can be expressed in one simple equation:

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(Batman's origin + Superman's) x a puppy being punted into some barbed wire = Martian Manhunter

Then after all that he still gets ignored for the Justice League movie. Unbelievable. Hasn't he suffered enough?

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See Batman, not everyone reacts to the death of their family by turning into Broody McBroodface.

5. He had the most kickass intro in the cartoon

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I mean just look at it, there's a dragon and everything.

6. He stays in the Watchtower because someone around here has to do the admin

While Superman and co. are on Earth being worshipped as gods and casually destroying city centres, J'onn quietly gets on with paperwork and logistics from the Watchtower (Justice League HQ). Because for J'onn it's not about the glory, it's all about helping people.

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7. His incredible social awkwardness

As someone who is not the best at PDA, I love the way J'onn is the Justice League's most awkward hugger. Yet he still manages to make it look affectionate.

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He doesn't like attention even a little bit, look at how he responds to a bunch of people thanking him for returning a lost little girl safe and sound.

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Fwoop he's outta there! No accolades for the Martian please, he just wants to help.

8. The episode where he learned about Christmas melted my cold, cold heart

In the Christmas special "Comfort and Joy" J'onn spends Christmas with the Kent family, and it's one of the most wholesome, touching bits of television ever.

At first J'onn is uncomfortable with this unfamiliar earthling holiday. He feels he doesn't belong, and you can understand why.

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Ouch. But then after spending some time observing humanity at its most Christmassy, he relaxes to the point where he assumes his natural Martian form, and sings a haunting melody in his own language.

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And let's not forget he used his superpowers to show proper gratitude to Mrs Kent for knitting him a lovely Christmas jumper.

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Best Christmas guest ever.

9. He doesn’t want to tell you what to do, he just wants to help you make the decision that’s best for you

The perfect example of this is in the episode "Tabula Rasa," in which the League has to deal with Professor Ivo's Android (A.M.A.Z.O). The Android is capable of absorbing the powers of everyone in the league, and is manipulated by Lex Luthor into fighting them. Instead of charging headlong into battle like his bozo co-workers, J'onn allows the Android to absorb his mind-reading abilities, thereby giving it the chance to see Luthor's treachery for itself.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Classiest move ever, 10/10 would battle again.

In short, Martian Manhunter is a thoughtful, valuable member of the Justice League and Ben Affleck's Batman definitely missed a trick by not recruiting him.

Bet you feel pretty silly now, eh Batman.

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Topics Comics